no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i will never coherently bang her
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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