Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
How does it feel to date your dad?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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