doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
