The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
