I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
