I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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