My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
smell my finger.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
