i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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