I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
