i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
