I murdered the dance floor call the cops
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
