I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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