pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize
