Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
