and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
