sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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