last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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