Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
