just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize