Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
