i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
