i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
