Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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