I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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