i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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