just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
