nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
