we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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