she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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