can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
