You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
