So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
