i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
