Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
