It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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