Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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