so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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