I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
