NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
