We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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