I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize