if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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