I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
