so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
