I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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