Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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