Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
