I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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