FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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