Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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