i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
