i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
