so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
