She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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