college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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