matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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