He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
