i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
where does the pee come out of this thing
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
