found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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