We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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