in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
