apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
