She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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