My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
