How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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