dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
We had sex on a dog bed..
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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