3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
