I'm really into asian looking animals
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
