You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
