Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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