chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
