is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
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I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
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My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm too high and old for this...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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