9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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